Thursday, January 15, 2009

The day after Elisha's birth

I honestly did not sleep at all that night, I rocked Elisha and just stared at him. I started to get really bad pains in my stomach too and got some pain medicine throughout the night. I finally laid in the bed around 5:30am and the phone rang at 7:30am and it was Anita, my step-son Kalebs mom. He decided that he did want to see his brother Elisha. We left it up to him if he wanted to see him. We did not want to make Kaleb see his brother if he did not want to, nor did we not want to see him if he wanted to. So I got up right away and got Enrique up, I wanted to bathe him and dress him before he came. I bathed every lil piece of him, put his first and only pamper on him and dressed him. His little body had already started to harden a bit. Kalebs mom had explained to him that he had already passed and was with Jesus. He came in the room and started asking all the questions a 6 year old would and that was fine. I called Gabriel, a pastor for our church and asked him to come to do Elisha's dedication as I knew Elisha would start to change fast. He was actually on his way to work, but called and was able to come to the hospital right then to dedicate him. Enrique called everyone to come as quick as they could. His dedication was wonderful, Gabriel did a wonderful job and it meant alot to us to dedicate our son to the Lord. We had Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep come to take pictures of Elisha with friends and family. The photographer had also came for the delivery of our son, which I thought would be awkward but it was not at all. Tony, our photographer was SUCH a wonderful man. He took all the pictures we wanted of our son. If you would like to know more about the organization please go to . We had people come in and out all day long to meet Elisha. Even our pastor, Pastor Cindy popped in which meant SO SO much to us. She spent time with us, fellowshiped with us, shared in our joy and our sadness, and ministered to us. She has angels also in heaven, and we can relate to each other. We were then alone again with our son. I knew I could not keep him forever. I told the nurse to go ahead and call the funeral home and tell them to come at 5pm to get Elisha. It was 4pm... I had an hour left with him. I wanted to keep all the clothes I had him in so I undressed him and took off his tiny pamper. I was in shock that his body was limber and warm, but that morning it had started to harden already...I was SO happy. I undressed him and took off his hat. I looked at very inch of his body again, I picked him up and held him I squeezed ever lil piece of him as I held him, his skin was so soft and tender. I squeezed his tiny tooshy. I was so amazed how warm and limber he was. His Daddy held him one more time, the wonderful nurse Jolynn came in with a warm blanky and told me the funeral director was there. We wrapped him up gave him 100 more kisses and said our final goodbyes. Goodbye is the hardest part, knowing that is the last time I see my son until we are reunited. i cried and cried and cried, Enrique held me tight. We quickly packed our stuff and I needed to leave right away. I couldnt be there any longer without my son. I cried the way home, I cried when I got home, I cried in the night, and I am crying right now. I miss him like like I can never explain. It is easy to be strong when you are surrounded my loving family and friends, but when you are alone is when the pain overcomes you. I am home but my body is empty and so his his crib. My baby my son is gone. It is all over, what I have waited 9 months for is over. My daughter and my son are in Heaven together and are PERFECT. It is hard to believe that I have went through this twice. Delivered two wonderful angels that I have not been able to take home with me. I thank God for the peace He has given me in my life. I have every right to be angry and mad, but I am not. My son, like Alexis has changed many lives including my own. His short time here on Earth made an impact on so many and I am so very proud of my son for that. I know that he knows the love Enrique and I had for him, there is no question about that. I have no regrets and know in my heart that I gave him every chance at life he could have. His time here was short now he is in Heaven living in a glorious eternity that I will one day be able to enjoy with him and my other children and family. He is blessed to be able to be there before us. He feels no pain where he is.

I woke up in the night crying hysterically, I don't know how, but I did...Enrique quickly woke up and started rubbing me and held my tightly and told me it was ok. I slowly stopped crying and went back to sleep. I dont know if I will do that every night. I cant stop thinking about him. Every second I am thinking about him. I know the pain will get easier, like it did with Alexis. My heart aches. I woke up this morning and my body feels like it got it with a Mac truck. I am in pain from head to toe. I had stepped on the scale before we left for the hospital, when I get on the scale now I am only ONE POUND lighter. But I did not eat for two days while I was in the hospital, I had a 5lb baby, a huge placenta, and when my water broke I know that was about 5 that adds up to one pound I dunno. HA! I pray it is some kinda water that is gonna find its way out in the next few days. HEHE


  1. i am so amazed at how strong a person you are. That is a beautiful story of the birth and your time with Elisha. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.


  2. Shelley, you have handled everything with such grace. You truly are an amazing woman! I will continue to pray for you and your family during this incredibly difficult time. We are all thinking about you on the WTE boards - you have been such an inspiration to so many of us.


  3. Shelley,

    With God's grace, you and Enrique are being incredibly strong. That's such a blessing. I will continue to pray for you. I hope that start to heal and remember the good memories of Elisha. It is wonderful that you got to spend time with him. I will continue to pray for peace and strength for you and your family.

    RachelY (WTE)

  4. Shelley,

    You are an Amazing mom and an inspiration to me ... I cry for you ... Thank you for being such a strong believer in Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior. I am praying for you and your family. Rachel (WTE Jan '09 HannahsMommie)

  5. Shelley,
    You and your husband are such amazing people. Your faith in God is incredible. Thank you for sharing your beautiful baby Elisha with us. My prayers go out you, Enrique and your family. May God bless all of you and bring comfort to you in your time of sorrow.
    Deidra (WTE)

  6. Shelley, you are one of the most inspirational people I have come across on this earth, your soul truly glows. I can only imagine what it would be like to be in your physical presence. (I only know you from the WTE board.) Your journey through this has touched my heart in so many ways and your strength and grace is beyond what one woman could be expected to show during such a time in your life. Many, many blessings come to your family from ours and know that even though your pain has been so real, Elisha's journey has affected many others in such a beautiful way.

  7. Thank you so much for sharing your story. My heart breaks for you, but you are such an inspiration and your faith in the Lord is to be admired. May He help you and your family find peace during this difficult time. You will remain in my prayers!

    Jen Davis (JenMacey, Feb WTE)

  8. Shelley,

    I just wanted to let you know that my thoughts and prayers continue to be with you and your family. You have been through so much and my heart breaks for you, but your strength and faith in our Lord has truly touched me and many others. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences with us.

    Susan (Suze1977. Jan WTE)

  9. Shelly he's beautiful. My heart is aching for you and Enrique. Ny thoughts and prayers continue to be with you. God Bless.

  10. Shelley,

    My heart goes out to you and Enrique. I'm happy you got to hold little Elisha at last. I know you had been waiting so long for this moment and all to fast came and went. You are so strong. I'm so sorry for all that has happened to you and your angels. Bless you,

    Peanut WTE

  11. Shelley, Shelley, Shelley...May the Lord continue to give you and Enrique the stregnth to get thru this tough time. You two are in my prayers. There is so much I want to say but I just dont know how to say it. I know your pain, I was in a similar situation a year ago next month. Hang in there sweetheart, Elisha is keeping his sissy company. so much love you and your family..